Askforlenny.com
When They Come For You.
Will Your Family Be Protected?
Most families never think about it.
Until it’s too late.
UFO Abduction Insurance is finally here.
Underwritten by the most trusted name in galactic risk management.
Lloyd of London.
The oldest continuously operating extraterrestrial risk underwriter in human history.
First policies written approximately 771 BC.
Some of those original policyholders have collected nearly $27,000 to date.
Lloyd is very proud of his claims payment record.
The Coverage Gap No One Is Talking About
Every year thousands of families are left financially devastated.
Not by accidents.
Not by illness.
By unexplained disappearances of the extraterrestrial variety.
Your current life insurance policy does not cover this.
We checked.
- ❌ Term life. Does not cover abduction.
- ❌ Whole life. Does not cover abduction.
- ❌ Group life through your employer. Does not cover abduction.
- ❌ That policy your mom bought you as a kid. Does not cover abduction.
- ❌ Your homeowner’s policy. Does not cover abduction.
- ❌ Your auto policy. Does not cover abduction even if you were in the car.
Only one product covers abduction.
And only one underwriter was willing to back it.
Lloyd of London.
The Most Historic Form of Insurance Known To Man
Protection against unexplained paternal situations and extraterrestrial interference has been underwritten since approximately 771 BC.
Romulus and Remus were themselves the product of an unexplained paternal situation that no earthly insurance policy could have anticipated.
Lloyd of London’s earliest underwriting records date to that period.
Some of those original policies remain active today.
Paying their annual $10 installment.
On schedule.
Every year.
For 2,800 years.
Lloyd’s filing system from that era is incomplete due to a records transition that took several centuries.
He is working on it.
Why Lloyd of London?
When Coverage Captain began developing this product we approached every major underwriter in the industry.
One by one they declined.
Actuarial uncertainty, they said.
Insufficient claims data, they said.
We don’t believe in aliens, they said.
Only one underwriter reviewed our risk assessment and said yes.
Lloyd of London.
Their confidence in this product speaks for itself.
Lenny Burton and Lloyd of London have maintained a long and productive professional relationship built on a shared commitment to rigorous underwriting standards and a mutual appreciation for a certain shade of blue.
The Policy
- 💫 $10,000,000 face value
- 💫 Double indemnity on all qualifying abductions
- 💫 Backed and underwritten by Lloyd of London
- 💫 Available to residents of Florida, Indiana, and Ohio
- 💫 Licensed across all 8.9 billion habitable solar systems in the Milky Way
This is not a gimmick.
This is a Lloyd of London underwritten contract.
How This Compares To What You Already Have
| Coverage Type | Regular Life Insurance | UFO Abduction Policy |
|---|---|---|
| Death by natural causes | ✅ | ❌ |
| Death by accident | ✅ | ❌ |
| Alien abduction | ❌ | ✅ |
| Unexplained disappearance | ❌ | ✅ |
| Crop circle property damage | ❌ | ✅ With rider |
| Cattle mutilation | ❌ | ✅ With rider |
| Emergency interstellar repatriation | ❌ | ✅ |
| Probe anxiety | ❌ | ✅ With rider |
| Return abduction | ❌ | ✅ With rider |
| Repeat abduction | ❌ | ✅ With rider |
| Missing time | ❌ | ✅ With rider |
| Aluminum foil surcharge waiver | ❌ | ✅ With rider |
The Smoker’s Advantage
Here is what the major carriers do not want you to know.
Extraterrestrial tractor beams operate on a frequency that is significantly disrupted by ambient particulate matter.
Specifically.
Tobacco particulate.
Scientists at the Lloyd of London Research Institute have identified what is now known as the Combustion Residue Deflection Field.
The science is settled.
Smokers represent a statistically lower abduction risk.
Lloyd of London has priced this accordingly.
🚬 Preferred Rates For Qualified Smokers
| Risk Profile | Tractor Beam Vulnerability | Premium Classification |
|---|---|---|
| Non-smoker | Elevated | Standard |
| Pipe smoker | Moderate | Preferred |
| Active smoker | Significantly reduced | Preferred Plus |
| Secondhand exposure | Case by case | Submit application |
| Vaping | Elevated | Standard |
| Real tin foil hat | Reduced | Preferred |
| Aluminum foil hat | Significantly elevated | Surcharge applies |
Lloyd of London reviewed the vaping data personally. The particulate profile is insufficient. This determination is final.
⚠️ A Critical Note Regarding Headwear
Real tin foil provides meaningful interference with tractor beam frequency modulation.
Aluminum foil does not.
According to Lloyd of London’s research, aluminum foil actually increases tractor beam conductivity.
Wearing aluminum foil at time of abduction is considered an aggravating factor.
Standard policies exclude coverage for abductions where the insured was wearing aluminum foil.
- ✅ The Aluminum Foil Surcharge Rider reinstates coverage.
- ✅ Additional premium applies.
- ✅ The surcharge is $1.
- ✅ Lloyd feels this is more than fair given the circumstances.
Available Riders
Every rider below enhances your core coverage.
Many pay a generous additional benefit.
🛸 The Complete Rider Portfolio
Covers documented lawn and field damage resulting from certified extraterrestrial landing activity. Pays $1. Agronomist verification required.
For our agricultural policyholders. Covers documented livestock loss attributable to extraterrestrial interference. Pays $1 per head. One head maximum per claim. Documentation requirements mirror the main policy.
The Crop Circle Property Damage Rider and Cattle Mutilation Rider offered together. Saves you nothing. Lloyd priced it carefully.
Mental health benefit covering the anticipatory stress of knowing extraterrestrial abduction is statistically possible. Pays $1. Therapist must confirm anxiety is specifically abduction-related and not general life anxiety.
Because lightning can strike twice. Each subsequent qualifying abduction triggers an additional benefit. Pays $1 per additional abduction. Same documentation requirements apply each time.
Sometimes they bring you back. Coverage for the reintegration period following a voluntary or involuntary return. Pays $1. Conditions apply. Definition of voluntary is subject to Lloyd of London interpretation.
Because families include everyone. Pays $1 per pet. One pet maximum. Livestock covered under the Cattle Mutilation Rider instead.
For abductions where no physical evidence exists but the insured cannot account for a period of two or more hours. Pays $1. Requires a notarized statement confirming the insured was not simply napping.
Standard policies void coverage if the insured was wearing a tinfoil hat at time of abduction. Tinfoil constitutes assumption of risk. This rider waives that exclusion. Pays no additional benefit but removes the exclusion. $1 premium. Lloyd considers this generous.
Reinstates coverage for abductions where the insured was wearing aluminum foil. See headwear section above. $1 surcharge. Non-negotiable. Lloyd reviewed this personally.
Because sometimes they bring you back. And sometimes they bring back what is left.
Your family should not bear the financial burden of interstellar remains recovery and transport from any documented extraterrestrial vessel or low earth orbit location back to the continental United States.
Pays $1. Customs fees not included. Interstellar transport coordination handled through Lloyd’s network of certified galactic repatriation specialists. Allow 200 to 300 years for living person repatriation depending on vessel location at time of claim. Remains repatriation may take longer depending on what they sent back.
400,000,000,000 Policyholders Protected
Lloyd of London has underwritten galactic disappearance risk across the entire Milky Way.
400 billion policyholders.
One galaxy.
Licensing in additional galaxies is pending regulatory approval.
Lloyd of London takes their territorial licensing obligations seriously.
Our Simple 3-Step Claims Process
Lloyd of London requires rigorous documentation standards.
This protects you.
It also protects them.
Mostly them.
But we have made the process as simple as possible.
Document the Incident
- ✅ Video evidence of the abduction. Minimum 4K resolution.
- ✅ GPS coordinates of the point of departure
- ✅ Signed statements from two non-related witnesses
- ✅ Soil sample from the abduction site
- ✅ FAA incident report
- ✅ Local law enforcement report
- ✅ Signed statement from the vessel captain
- ✅ Countersignature from the custodial officer
- ✅ Attestation from the onboard physician
- ✅ Accurate identification of all ports of entry and exit
- ✅ Customs declaration confirming the vessel was a registered interstellarship
- ✅ Signature of the interstellar customs official at each port
- ✅ Vessel registration number in the Milky Way Galactic Registry
- ✅ Carbon dating confirmation of vessel age
- ✅ Certificate of insurance from the vessel’s own carrier
- ✅ Notarized translation of all documents not originally in English
- ✅ Notarized confirmation that the translator is not affiliated with the vessel
Lloyd of London documentation standards apply. No exceptions.
Submit Your Documentation
- ✅ Complete forms CF-UFO-1 through CF-UFO-47
- ✅ Have all forms notarized
- ✅ Have all notarizations apostilled
- ✅ Submit originals only. No copies. No digital submissions.
- ✅ Submit via certified mail
- ✅ Allow 30 business days for initial review
- ✅ Allow an additional 30 days if Lloyd of London requests supplemental documentation
- ✅ Allow an additional 30 days if supplemental documentation raises new questions
- ✅ This process may repeat
Receive Payment
- ✅ Upon approval payment begins immediately
- ✅ First installment of $10 issued within 30 days of approval
- ✅ Subsequent annual installments of $10 to follow
- ✅ For the remaining 999,999 years of the payment schedule
- ✅ Direct deposit available after year 50
- ✅ Beneficiary substitution permitted every 200 years with proper documentation
State Specific Requirements
Every state has additional documentation requirements beyond the Lloyd of London baseline.
We have made this simple.
📄 DOWNLOAD: Complete State-by-State Claims Requirements Guide
Each state. 30 to 40 additional items. Per state. This is a large document. Lloyd of London recommends printing it. Lloyd of London recommends a three ring binder. Lloyd of London sells a branded three ring binder for $1.
Frequently Asked Questions
Our Claims Satisfaction Guarantee
Every approved claim will be paid.
Exceedingly quickly.
Per the payment schedule.
- ⚡ Approved claims are never delayed.
- ⚡ Payment begins within 30 days of approval.
- ⚡ Lloyd of London stands behind every dollar.
- ⚡ All $10 of it. Annually.
Note: This guarantee applies to approved claims. Approval is a separate process.
Money Back Guarantee
If you are unsatisfied with your policy for any reason we will refund your premium in full.
No questions asked.
Refund requests require submission of forms CF-UFO-1 through CF-UFO-47, all supporting documentation outlined in the State-by-State Claims Requirements Guide, notarized confirmation of dissatisfaction from two non-related witnesses, and a signed statement from Lloyd of London approving the refund. Lloyd reviews all refund requests personally. Allow 30 business days. This process may repeat.
A Note Regarding Claim Fraud
Coverage Captain and Lloyd of London maintain a zero tolerance policy toward claims fraud.
In 2019 a claim was submitted under Policy #MW-4471-G.
The claimant provided complete documentation including a countersigned statement from the vessel captain.
Upon independent verification, the vessel captain acknowledged a pre-arranged collusion agreement. The captain agreed to sign all required documentation in exchange for 50% of the total policy proceeds, to be collected after a 100 year waiting period, for the purpose of funding a vessel upgrade.
The claim was denied.
The vessel captain has not been reachable since.
- ⚠️ All vessel captain signatures are now independently verified.
- ⚠️ Lloyd of London contacts every captain personally.
- ⚠️ Lloyd of London has the number.
- ⚠️ Lloyd of London has time.
Why Families Trust Coverage Captain
- ✅ Licensed in Florida, Indiana, and Ohio
- ✅ CLU designation held by your agent
- ✅ Member in good standing, Better Business Bureau of the Andromeda Galaxy since 1987
- ✅ Underwritten by Lloyd of London
- ✅ Zero unanswered claims
Note: Zero unanswered claims reflects claims that have received a response. Response and approval are separate processes.
What Our Policyholders Are Saying
“I sleep better knowing my family is protected. I also sleep with one eye open but that is unrelated to the policy.”
“Lloyd of London reviewed my application personally. I feel very confident about my coverage.”
“I had some questions about the claims process. Everything was explained thoroughly. I have more questions now.”
“I cannot speak to the quality of the coverage at this time.”
About Our Underwriter
We have mentioned Lloyd of London throughout this page.
You deserve to know who is standing behind your policy.
Lloyd of London.
His friends call him Lloyd.
Everyone else calls him Lloyd of London.
He is based in London.
London, Kentucky.
He operates out of a tobacco barn in Laurel County where the ambient particulate matter provides natural protection against unauthorized surveillance by competing extraterrestrial underwriters.
His previous address is not on file.
Customs has no record of his arrival.
He has been in London, Kentucky since 1987 and that is all anyone knows.
Why Nicotine Changes Everything
Lloyd identified the Combustion Residue Deflection Field in 1987.
The major carriers laughed.
The major carriers do not offer this product.
Lloyd does.
- 🚬 Smokers save on premiums.
- 🚬 The science is settled.
- 🚬 Lloyd did the research personally.
- 🚬 Lloyd had time.
Enrollment Is Closing
⏰ This enrollment period ends at midnight.
Lloyd can only underwrite so much risk from one tobacco barn.
Space is limited.
This offer is not available anywhere else in this galaxy.
Other galaxies pending regulatory approval.